Apr. 23rd, 2011

So I went to see my therapist for the first time on Thursday. I was hoping I would like her... Right now she wants to see how my meds are working. I now get 50mg less. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. She spent most of the time trying to explain to me how depression works and what causes it! As if I don't already know! Its a chemical imbalance in the brain. Needless to say, she talked about how stress can cause or make worse depression. I don't want to talk about it. I tried that before and it didn't help. But I agreed to try her method for at least a month, starting next week. Should be interesting...

In other news, the only thing I have kept doing from my other past therapist is keeping this journal. She had suggested I use it to write about whatever came to mind. I have found it rather calming to write out stuff that I would normally never say. My writing has improve. I am starting to write my short stories again and that makes me feel very good about myself. It is coming along rather well. I am thinking about working on a writing challenge, if I can find one that I think I can write about. I hate writing about real things... Anyways, writing about things that I usually keep hidden seemed to alleviate the pressure I didn't even know I was holding back. I made the mistake of telling my friends I have started working an online journal. Now they want my user info so they can add me to their contacts... Alot of what I write I do not want my friends and family to know. I don't really care about complete strangers, since people not connected to you can have a completely different view of the situation. A view not tainted by person knowledge of the writer. In other words, I do not want to be judged by those close to me. I think I am going to look up other online journals and sign up for one of them. That way I can keep this one a secret.

As for real life... There is a position opening up. It is salary with good benefits. Only problems I see is it is high stress, back to the stress makes depression worse, and very time consuming. I worry I would not have time to work on my stories. But, I would no longer have to worry about the "team" I am currently in. It would be independent with clear cut deadlines. I would not have to worry about one of my so-called teammate not having their part of the work done. Plus, I would not have to work with the new clients so much. I do love what I do, but my boss seems to think I am the best person to put "challenging " individuals to.



May 2011

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