My guild is not really a raiding guild. We use to be in wrath, but most of our raiders have quit wow, found a new guild, or left the realm. Pugs only seem to want people who already have the achievement and a high gear-score to go along with that. Newbies need not apply!

So, when I got invited to heal for a guild group, I was unsure if I wanted to. I had been trying to get my guild-master to try and form a group for months, but he had been busy with a very pregnant wife. Plus, some guild groups can be very unforgiving. I was told if I do a good job, I could join their normal raid days without having to leave my own guild.

Yesterday was my very first time healing on Magmaw. We wiped 15 times, but the last time we got him down to 25%. I am not sure if I did a good or horrible job at healing. Mostly staring at bars, trying to keep everyone up. Oddly enough, I did like trying. It was fun and different then what I had been doing lately. I should know sometime today if they want me back for their Wednesday raid. I hope they ask!!


May. 4th, 2011 04:45 pm
Well, I have actually found a small writing group in my area! Writing challenges every month. Already started this month's challenge. My writer's block seemed to have disappeared and I am rather surprised at how easy the words come.

Part of that might be because of the new stuff I am doing. My therapy seems to be working. I was rather uncertain at my first appointment, but most of the stuff we have talked about was related to stress and physical ways to help, like yoga.
So I went to see my therapist for the first time on Thursday. I was hoping I would like her... Right now she wants to see how my meds are working. I now get 50mg less. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. She spent most of the time trying to explain to me how depression works and what causes it! As if I don't already know! Its a chemical imbalance in the brain. Needless to say, she talked about how stress can cause or make worse depression. I don't want to talk about it. I tried that before and it didn't help. But I agreed to try her method for at least a month, starting next week. Should be interesting...

In other news, the only thing I have kept doing from my other past therapist is keeping this journal. She had suggested I use it to write about whatever came to mind. I have found it rather calming to write out stuff that I would normally never say. My writing has improve. I am starting to write my short stories again and that makes me feel very good about myself. It is coming along rather well. I am thinking about working on a writing challenge, if I can find one that I think I can write about. I hate writing about real things... Anyways, writing about things that I usually keep hidden seemed to alleviate the pressure I didn't even know I was holding back. I made the mistake of telling my friends I have started working an online journal. Now they want my user info so they can add me to their contacts... Alot of what I write I do not want my friends and family to know. I don't really care about complete strangers, since people not connected to you can have a completely different view of the situation. A view not tainted by person knowledge of the writer. In other words, I do not want to be judged by those close to me. I think I am going to look up other online journals and sign up for one of them. That way I can keep this one a secret.

As for real life... There is a position opening up. It is salary with good benefits. Only problems I see is it is high stress, back to the stress makes depression worse, and very time consuming. I worry I would not have time to work on my stories. But, I would no longer have to worry about the "team" I am currently in. It would be independent with clear cut deadlines. I would not have to worry about one of my so-called teammate not having their part of the work done. Plus, I would not have to work with the new clients so much. I do love what I do, but my boss seems to think I am the best person to put "challenging " individuals to.
Well, I finally got a new doctor. First appointment seemed to go well. He is a psychiatrist, so he will be able to hopefully change my current meds. I have been on Wellburtrin for about 2+ years. Not only does it not help, I am starting to have more and more of the side effects. Apparently it does nasty stuff to the body if one takes high doses over time, and quiting it at once is not recommended. I am also going to see a new therapist, at least for the next couple of months. I met her briefly at my appointment. She suggested I still keep my journal going...what little of do of it. I see her next Thursday. For the first time in a long time, I am daring to hope for something more then surviving a day at a time.


Apr. 12th, 2011 08:11 pm
Well, I have not been online for a bit. A nasty car accident, made worse by the air bag, took me out of life in general for over a month. I got back to work with a pile of papers on my desk, fax, and all (3) chairs. I know others who go out of town for a planned vacation and all their work is divided among us, yet I get seriously hurt and no one will pick up any of my case load. If I didn't have a million bills to pay, I would have quit right there...
Sometimes I feel compelled to do things, like write a few things in a online journal....

I need a break from work! Seriously thinking about requesting time off next month. My job can be very stessful, and the new client I am working with makes me want to pull my hair out. In the last two weeks, I have been bitten, scratched, pushed into traffic, and had objects thrown at me. This is not what I had in my job description.

Other than that, the world is perfectly and utterly chaotic.


Dec. 29th, 2010 05:20 pm
Writing therapy is suppose to be good for me, to help me cope with everything. The idea to get the feeling out of me and into something my therapist can understand....because I apparently cannot explain how I am feeling correctly to her!! I am being to think I should find a new one. I do get meds from her, but I don't think they are working well. I think about different ways I could kill myself, almost all day today. Can't even put complete thoughts together right now.

Possible New Year's Resolutions: Be happy,lose weight, and save money.

I met my goals for this year, and I had more resolutions!!! How hard could it really be???????
I have heard of people getting fired because of stuff they post on facebook, but I never thought that anything like that would happen to me. I didn't get fired, but I did get suspended, without pay, for a week. My facebook was suppose to be friends only. I only have family members and a few of my closest friends on it. And non of them co-workers... I didn't even write anything bad. All I did was put up a picture of Thanksgiving dinner with my clients, just one single picture. And it was mostly staff. Needless to say, I am upset. I was told as long as it was personal, I could post pictures. I do intend to fight this...


So this week I guess I will play WOW. Cata comes out on the 7th so I may as well try to lvl to 85 while I am out.

Project A

Nov. 21st, 2010 02:09 pm
After a long sleepless night, I decided to start writing at least 500 words a day until the 22 of February. I am going to call it Project A. It is not really going to be a story, but more an idea journal. I am hoping that this project will help me write more each day and focus on a single idea, or many similar ideas, come March.
I like to write stories. Mostly dark fantasy. Once upon a time ago, I could easily write. Ideas would come to me so quickly that I would end up having ideas for several stories by the time I finished. Now I seem to have trouble focusing on one project. I find that I am also having problems with staying interested in my projects. I don't find the characters to be engaging. I think the plot is lacking. Maybe its just me and I am just being too picky. I don't seem to have any trouble writing in a journal. The words just seem to come out smoothly. I am thinking that maybe I need to change my stories around, try a different genre...



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